Trying to understand the types of assholes in the cinema

The other day it happened once again: we encountered an asshole in the cinema. We were somewhat surprised since this took place at the Stockholm film festival, which once again proves that having a sense of culture doesn’t translate in manners.

Around one minute before the movie On The Beach at Night Alone started, a manboy -donning a perm that  had once belonged  to the cast of Golden Girls – sat down in front of us, opting to sit as straight as possible. As a result this blocked the bottom part of the screen, which isn’t great when you really suck at Korean.

When we asked him to slide a bit down in his seat to allow us to see the screen the reply was: “no, I like how I’m sitting and I paid for this”. Calling him a dick didn’t change matters, and once again explains why we fail at landing top negotiator type jobs.

We also want to stress that this did take place. We know some of you might find this story hard to believe, since Stockholm people are notorious for having their head up their asses, but we promise you it was an actual head (+ perm) that was in display and did the damage.

When dealing with an asshole in the cinema, it might be helpful to attempt to explain their behavior in a positive way so you can continue to enjoy the movie. Here are our attempts:

• The person who eats loudly throughout an entire movie… is actually a heart surgeon who saved someone’s life after a 16 hour surgery, and is starving and in need of a distraction from holding people’s lives in his hands.
• The person who blocks the view, unaware of others behind him… is actually suffering from Asperger, and has finally mustered up the courage to attend a movie on their own, only to be shunned by horrible audience members who value subtitles over his well-being.
• The couple that talks throughout the entire movie… is following their psychiatrist’s advice of learning to communicate again, after the trauma of losing their child in a car accident caused by a drunk mutated bear.
• The person constantly texting on an undimmed phone… we have nothing for this one. Plain asshole.

Did we miss anyone? Any other explanations you have?I